Fuck this is a great little short story
In a converted basement of a church, dozens of men and women tumble around on the floor, trying to choke each other out and break their arms. Onlookers sit around, drinking sodas and eating Hawaiian food as they enjoy the ambiance and wait for their friends to complete.
No one is paid. In fact, everyone paid to be here. This would be the first ju jitsu tournament I’ve ever seen live and quite frankly, I’m surprised at the size of the turn out and the number of women present. Especially spectating.
It made me think of the prevalence of combat sports in ancient Greco Roman culture. The intensely competitive nature and the bonds that would form from them. It was a culture permeated with with rigorous sport and games, not Neanderthalic hunching over computer screens and endless TV watching.
Dam I want to box again. There’s no feeling like getting punched hard by a guy larger than you and not being fazed or getting hit so hard, everything goes orange and you keep fighting because you want to see what you’re made of. And hitting a guy back, building the confidence that I’m at least this capable of protecting myself.
When’s the next SF boxing tournament?
One of the biggest anchors I drag around in my daily life is the want to stop moving. To shut my brain down and drown everything out, essentially to check out. I know exactly where it comes from. I had a rough childhood, filled with depression, anger and getting into fights, physical and verbal, with everyone. It wasn’t chemical for me. For me, it was definitely a learned behavior. For some unknown cosmic reason, I was suddenly outcasted, isolated and attacked at a certain point in my childhood. I’m still not sure why it happened, even as much as I’ve thought about it (I have my theories), but the habit of wanting to disengage and push the world away still occurs.
Call me whatever, but I know I’m a smart guy with potential. But the potential is consistently stopped from building sufficient momentum because I keep wanting / having to disengage from everyone and everything. Nothing is ever learned or gained out of these episodes and I waste time having to readjust and rebuild myself back up to reconnect with people and things that are meaningful to my life.
I guess the point of this rambling is that one of the most sure fire things to pull me out of the hole is gratitude. I don’t have much but I have enough. And I’m not brilliant but I’m smart enough to make a positive impact on the world. And I haven’t made it yet, but I will. Thanks for my health, for having a job, for family and friends, and giving me the hardships to build me back stronger
The more rain pours, the more life grows
The more rain pours, the more life grows
As the economy whimpers along
And the shares of major companies fluctuate every day;
As the middle class divides itself and moves into either the upper or lower,
With job wages falling on one end and rising on the other;
As people have more money to spend and less worthwhile things to spend it on,
And others work two jobs to not be homeless,
What is the value of a life?
When you work all year and make fifteen thousand,
And someone is willing to give you fifty thousand for your healthy heart,
What are you worth?
When you walk around, always distracted,
Until you can’t remember anything that isn’t digitally recorded,
What is your life really worth?
– Monte Tom
As I stumble along through the beginnings of this book, as the idea begins to grow and unfurl, I look forward more and more towards each opportunity I have to sit and write. I’ve taken to heed the advice of continuously pushing forward through to finish the first draft and focus only on the big overarching plot points, saving refinement for later. And as I push away the tendency and want to self edit along the path, I find that I’m much more in tune with the rhythm and mood of the story. It’s causing me to focus on the big picture, specifically how to get to the ending. And while riding the wave of events, I feel more aware of what sections need development because I’m allowing them to be there to be developed later.
Not seeking perfection, merely discovery and progress, is giving me more fulfillment and excitement in the work than ever before. I can’t wait to get to the end so that I can go back and rediscover things in my own story.